Snow for Christmas

10 degrees or below. Two hours to chip the ice off the car. Downed trees and power lines. No power, no heat; thankfully that isn’t true for us. But it has meant that one of my daughters spent the day here and the other the night and that’s on top of the fact that we’ve had my grandson here for two days because his mother has to work. Now my third daughter wants me to go over and help her sort through the last of her “stuff,” because she and her boyfriend are moving across country on Monday. They’ve already brought a lot of things to the house, some of which belongs to my daughter in S. Korea, who won’t be back until June, and some of which is for the daughter who would have already begun to move into her own apartment if it hadn’t been for the storm. Tonight is Christmas Eve and I was elected to have Christmas dinner here tomorrow and I’m not good at not having any time to myself, let alone privacy. I haven’t even had a shower for two days.

But it could be so much worse. I could have a son or daughter in Iraq. One of my friends called me yesterday – one I haven’t spoken or written to for years (she was responding to a Christmas letter I sent out) – and she told me that her son was in Iraq for 11 months and has to go back. She said she was a mess while he was there. I can’t even imagine what kind of shape I’d be in. I’m very very thankful I don’t have to deal with that.

Even so, that doesn’t mean that I’m looking forward to the next couple of days, and that’s sad considering that it’s Christmas. I haven’t even wrapped presents and don’t know exactly when I’ll get the chance. At least my grandson will be picked up by his mother this afternoon. He’s been so good and I love having him around, but I’m being expected to deal with about two too many things today.

I’m not freaking, though; not anxious or overly depressed. I’m not jumping up and down with joy, but I’m trying to accept the situation, including the way I’m responding to it. Instead of getting down on myself because I’m not cheerful, I need to be relieved that I’m not losing it. I’m just taking everything in a very low key way; that seems to work best for me right now. Being jolly is not a requirement; being aware of how blessed I am is is what it’s supposed to be all about anyway.

What does this all have to do with writing? Everything, of course. Because everything boils down to whether or not I get to write. The most I’ve accomplished in the past few days has been a journal entry yesterday and now this. I had hoped that I could finish my incomplete in History while I was on vacation, but I see now that I should have known better.

Before I sign off, I just want to mention a strange development: I can’t seem to get any satisfaction out of reading. I don’t particularly want to and when I try to, I can’t find anything that satisfies me. I don’t know whether that’s just a response to the stress or something that has actually changed for me, but it definitely makes me feel at a loss. But again, maybe I should be glad that I’m not dying to read right now or I’d be going out of my mind.

I have to get ready to go help my daughter. I’m taking my grandson with me. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!