I thought about going through my early posts and weeding out the ones that aren’t really essays about writing (or essays at all). But then I decided to keep them in: they will show the path I’ve traveled to finally turn this blog into what I wanted it to be all along. Why didn’t I write essays about writing from the beginning? Because I wasn’t sure that I had anything to say, because I was lazy and busy (if that’s possible?), and because I couldn’t quite put myself out there as a writer. I think it’s significant that I changed the name of this blog from “The Mighty Pen” to “Miteypen;” it shows that I’ve begun to forge an identity for myself. This is not a blog about writing as much as it is a blog about one writer: me. Not so much me as a person, but the me who has never wanted to be anything but a writer, is never satisfied with what she writes, is afraid to let others read her writing, will never be happy unless she makes it, and struggles daily with what “making it” means for her.
Now that I’ve begun to put more work into this blog, I can tell you at least part of what makes me feel like a real writer. It’s when I really work on a piece of writing. There’s nothing that makes me feel like I’m a working writer like having to sweat over what I write. If I don’t rearrange and reconsider what I’ve written, I can never be sure that I’ve done the best that I can do. (I’m never sure of that but at least working at it makes me feel like a professional.)
It took me forever to write the blog about Christmas, for instance. I’m not saying that it turned out to be brilliant as a result, but it’s certainly better than it was when I first dashed off my thoughts on the subject.
But there are also times when the writing flows like water. Those are the times when I feel that I’ve been given a gift.
I’ve stated before in this blog that I’ve been “Miteypen” on the web ever since I first got on it. The saying “The pen is mightier than the sword” inspired my name. I am only one person, weak and imperfect, trying to have my say and influence the world around me. I could never single-handedly win a war, or even a battle. But I can stir up emotions, make people think, and even, sometimes, inspire people to action. Ideally, this blog will help me to sharpen my weapons and perfect my skills.
I am only one “pen,” but I am a miteypen.